Changing your mind feels like turning with an Icebreaker (a.k.a slow because it’s so dang heavy). That’s what I imagine anyways. I never tried turning an actual one. (fun fact: my Mom have a license to drive one. Drive..but for ships, what’s that word? Steer?

Anyways. They have an heavy, cold vibe to them which in my mind feels super slow.

I used to be baffled by people that changed their minds.

Like. Why would you choose to change it to the wrong answer? (because to my brain: you research the facts, see what it says and decide which is the correct answer. And then that’s the only true answer for all eternity. Though I was not aware that this was my process. And I thought this is how everyone operates.)

But now. I am actively changing my mind. All the time. Physically and theoretically, is that how you say it? Nvm, I’m changing my actual brain tissue (like everyone does) and my nervous system is regulated enough that I can hold what I believe to be true and a different opinion – at the same time.

But. I gotta say.

My mind and self wasn’t quite prepared for the reality and onslaught of sensations struggling consists of when you no longer dissociate * wide awkward grin*

I used to read and experience emotions through the character, or play a video game or watch a show. That was my buffer.


But I’m doing it.

kinda. sorta.

I’m finding a way to do it.

By finding the smallest way.

Like. I create Self-portraits to help me learn to love my birthday suit face. The naked, just me, face. Or sit with ANgEr by taking a photo acting the feeling and then painting it.

It’s a round about way of doing it. But it’s the only way to do it and keep my soul intact. I feel deeply. Tsunamis & Volcanos type emotions.

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