I’m not sure when I adapted the belief that I have to predict the future and make the right decision based on that. I didn’t even realize that I was trying to. ( hi there people pleasing & fawning )

“We don’t know, what we don’t know.” I’m working on a wood burning piece with these words. Its pine wood. It smells faintly of burnt wood now that I drawn a bird skeleton head holding a sign. There’s flowers and a bright turquoise background and the first few words are painted hot pink.

I know that we don’t know but it keeps surprising me when I see it in action. Living the experience is so different – the shame knocks the wind out of me. And it’s hard to be gentle with myself.

During a full moon, not too long after I had hit rock bottom emotionally and mentally and was trying to find my feet I painted a painting with a full moon and these words. I did not believe the words one bit. How was that possible? I had nothing within me. I was lost. So dang lost.

But I was also determined to change.

I wasn’t sure how. Just that I had to.

That’s 2 years ago now and I did it. I changed. I have changed and shedded so many versions of me since that day. But the somewhat scary part is that I just got started. That was just the prelude. The undoing of all that I was not. Now…now is when the journey truly beings. And this messy middle scares the crap out of me because I’m doing this fully present and feeling everything. Which is the opposite of what I done in the past.

I feel so deeply. With such intensity. I’m not sure I can do this. But I will.

My Tools

Phone backgrounds are one of my tools. I like taking screenshots of angel numbers like 1111, 555 and 333. (these are the ones I’ve seen a lot latley). So it felt special to have a background I had made. And it helped me focus and peel the layers back faster. First I started out creating them for my Patreons (what I thought they would like, yep good old people pleasing again) but with time it has shifted and now I create them for myself ( I have worth) for where I am in my journey and I trust that they will help others too.

The Phone background will be the December download for my Main Character Familiars. And the Main Character Scholars will get this background and the printable calendar for 2024. The phone backgrounds helps me manifest/create and the calendar taped to my wall keeps me anchored in time (plants thrive because they get watered regularly, I save brain capacity by penciling in when and what bills to be payed etc)

It feels like I’m slowly getting life pieces to fit, all at the same time. That’s a first for me

What’s a qoute or saying that have helped you change how you feel?

Until next time, Sparkle On!

-Elin

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