The thing I have been avoiding by always making sure I’m in motion and never pausing. Sitting with the emotions. Processing them. Feeling them.
But, to release the old layers of myself I need to move through. I have to let the emotions take time.
I wasn’t able before. Not with a chronically dysregulated nervous system.
And the thing is, and My brain hates it but we’re not able to think our way to a regulated nervous system. We have to do. We have to involve our body and let it lead. It’s wise. It knows what it needs. We just need to learn to listen.
Which is hard, because you don’t see it at first. How the body communicates. And we’ve been trained to ignore it and all sensations. Muffle it. Tone it out. Refusing to acknowledge what is even though it shreds our relationship to self into smaller and smaller pieces. We tell ourselves these pieces are not important. Other people and how they’re feeling are.
Its an simple solution to it though. We just have to spend time with it. And observe it. What do we feel drawn to do?
For me essential oils helped a whole bunch. They helped me change how I feel. Helped me regulate. Helped me take that first step of being regulated enough to create space for myself. I started with just showing up. Saying hi to myself in the mirror. Nothing more. And it seems so small.
But I had a life time habit of never showing up for myself. Babysteps was the way to go.
I have found more tools along the way. Some I was able to implement as a non-negotiable that has to happen every day.
First I heard of a non-negotiable that has to happen every day my entire being said NOPE NOT A CHANCE. And that’s ok. I left it at that. I just thought about it from time to time “what would a life were I was able to do a daily thing and it felt good to do it, what would it look like? How would I do it?”
I didn’t have to have all the answers right away. I just had to keep being curious and asking questions.
And my brain really likes “why?” and “how does that work?”
It’s a big step going from trying to predict the future to make the right decision to being ok with not having an answer and moving forward anyways.
It takes a lot of regulating nervous system.
Out of all the things I’ve tried these past 4 years. That has been the key. I didn’t have to know why it worked or what to process next. Whatever needed to be processed came up. The body had it handled. It knew. Like I said, Im still trying to grasp just how wise our bodies are.
I created this graphic as a mini series with the previous posts graphic. It’s pictures I took a few years ago and never dared to create with. I’m slowly finding my expression. Slowly letting go of trying to make something others would like (thanks people pleasing you kept me safe, but I’m good now, I got this) and starting to investigate – what do I actually like?
If you’re on this journey too, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What aha-moments have changed how you look at the world?