I don’t think we fully understand how much shame we carry with us. We’re so used to carrying it that we don’t see it anymore. (Note to self: Not seeing it makes it fade from our actual vision because our eyeballs are attached to our actual brain and it/beliefs we been taught decides what we see. So, “not seeing = brain filter” fall into the category “We don’t know what we don’t know” because we forgot that we forgot).

But it’s there like invisible spiderwebs. The shame. The knowing.

sticky spiderwebs.

We cringe when we touch the strands, but we can’t see them (our subconscious has trained our existence not to) and we’re not sure what we’re touching – just that it is something. (Note to self: these are a sensation in the body to pay attention to, listening to this builds self-trust. Thank you body, you’re so dang wise <3 )

Shame.

That’s what it is. Or was. Atleast for me. Was and still is. There’s lots more. I can see it now.

It’s not easy standing in it. It makes you feel like your soul is naked and exposed.

I felt so ashamed that I

  1. felt my feelings and
  2. felt my feelings deeply.

I still do. My body feels stuck in cringe writing this and thinking about how I said it out loud and that people read my words. And it doesn’t feel safe to have walked down this path. But it also feels freeing

Grief.

Thinking about what I talked about yesterday it lead me to think about this. This is a good time a year to talk to kids about grief. That sometimes things doesn’t maybe go as planned. What happens if we don’t get a toy we really wanted? Instead of leaving them to deal with with grief/disappointment/confusion alone. (like if they’re disappointed, let them feel it and don’t take it personally as an adult, they are still building their brain and not in full control of all emotions. And thankful, two things can be true at once. There can be disappointment that it wasn’t what you hoped for and thankful towards other person for the loving gesture/time.)

  • What do they expect Xmas to be like?
  • What do they hope happens?
  • What do they not want happen?
  • What did it look like when I was a kid?
  • What am I thinking it will be like?

There are a lot of expectations everywhere. The challenge for the adults is to let go of old beliefs ( eg kids have to react a certain way, behave a certain way etc. We often hold kids to an emotional standard they sometimes can’t do because of development while adults does not have to follow the same rule) and find new ones like

“After a gift has been given it’s none of my business what the other person does with it and what they do/do not with the gift does not affect my value as a human”

“Other people are allowed to feel whatever they are feeling. It’s not my job to fix their emotions and it’s not my business to control their emotions”

And if these new phrases feels absolutely not. Get curious – how come? and what part?

And have a conversation with your inner child about all this. They might be holding on to some grief from when you were little.

If you want to say it out loud, share in the comments <3

Until next time, Sparkle On!

-Elin

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